How to Make the Best Dang Cookies in the World

I don't mean to scare you with that opening picture...me, looking VERY Martha-ish as in Martha Stewart. I know it's impossible to live up to her perfection.

 I once had to take a nap after watching her show about pets.

She has LOTS of animals. First she showed herself grooming three thick-furred dogs, and several long-haired cats. She moved on to her THIRTY chinchillas which she said she brushes

EVERY DAY! Then I really petered out when she started scrubbing her forty birdbaths and refilling them with fresh water. After birdbath duty, I'd have had the chinchillas made into a full-length coat, but Martha would probably brush that too.

(That was a joke, so no PETA pouting!) 

What I'm really trying to say here is I'm no expert on baking. I only know how to make the

best dang cookies in the world,

that I talked about in yesterday's blog.

after reading this...YOU will, too!

Let me start with the recipe:

I took a pic of my actual recipe stained from loving use. I didn't want you to think I'm one of those mean people who share their favorite recipe then leave out their secret killer ingredient, like sugar, for example.

Nope..that's the REAL recipe.

Start by mixing the flour and salt together in a bowl.

In another bowl, cream all the wet stuff with the butter and sugar.

Now, slowly mix in the flour.

At this point, you should probably remove all children from earshot because this is when you are likely to swear at me.

Your dough will look like dry, dusty pellets. Go ahead, SWEAR! I can take it.

This is the point when my own family members have accused me of leaving out the secret ingredient. The one that binds the dough together. Many have given up at this juncture and tossed the mess into the garbage.

DON'T!

Instead, start smashing the dough together with your hands.

Resist any strong urges to add more moisture or water. Just keep mushing it together until you form a big glob of dough like this:

Wipe the sweat from your brow, shove this in the fridge and go take a nap.

After your refreshing snooze...let's say three hours,

it's time for the next step.

Please remove children from your home at this point because cursing could become

LOUD!

Time to roll out the dough.

Please ignore the strained look on my face and focus on that blue thing. That's a rubber mat used for rolling out cookie dough. Mine is obviously too small, but I LOVE it because the dough does not stick to it.

Do NOT flour this mat or the rolling pin.

Insert profanity here:

The dough is back to dry and crumbly and sticks to the rolling pin.

You will hate it, but continue to roll it out until you have an area a little over 1/4 inch thick that looks smooth. DO NOT DUST WITH FLOUR even though you really WANT TO!

Stamp out shapes, then keep rolling and stamping.

Oh, I forgot to tell you...I line my cookie sheets with parchment paper. I have no idea why I do this. I think I saw Martha do it and figured it was a good thing. You find it next to the wax paper at the grocery store.

This recipe does not rise or spread much during baking, so go ahead and cram them together on the cookie sheet.

Put them in the oven at 325-degrees. I know you think I'm trying to trick you. You can darn well see on the recipe above that I have crossed out 350-degrees and changed the dang degrees. You are probably thinking...so THIS is how she is tricking us, so SHE is the only one who can make the BEST.

Actually, it's me being very kind. Since I like to make the cookies thick, the bottoms burned at 350-degrees.  So use the lower heat and set the timer for 11-minutes. You may need a few minutes longer, but I HATE burned bottoms!

Remove from cookie sheet and cool on paper towels.

You can decorate these cookies with icing or various sprinkles, but I like to double-dip mine in chocolate for special occasions like my son's graduation party.

I use quality melting chocolate I buy at our local cake decorating store, but I have also used Nestle's chocolate or white chocolate chips and it works the same way.

Line a deep bowl with wax paper. You will LOVE me for this...no clean up!

Add melting chips

Heat on high in microwave for one minute. Take it out and stir it throroughly.

Put it back in the microwave and heat for 15 seconds.

Take out and stir again.

Do this at 15 second intervals until all chocolate is melted and smooth.

If you are the impatient type, like me and are itching to let it go 30 seconds to melt it faster...

DON'T!

Ms. Impatient already tried that and destroyed a whole bowl of expensive chocolate.

Trust me!

It truly does melt fast...I SWEAR!

Now, dip the cookies into the dark chocolate.

 

And, plop them onto wax paper.

Let the chocolate harden and do the same thing with white chocolate.

Add sprinkles and you have the

Best Dang Cookies in the World!

WHEW!

I need a nap.

Actually, it may be easier raising chinchillas...